First all you feel is disbelief, shock. You feel absolutely devastated. You hope its all a horrid joke or a huge mistake...99.9% of the time it isn't.
You start to question yourself, 'what could I have done to have stopped this?' ' what have I done wrong?' and all the usual questions of self doubt.
Obviously there are endless reasons why relationships end, infidelity, distance, arguing, stress or just plain outgrowing someone seem to be the most common.
It's a horrible thing to say but reasons like infidelity and arguing to the point of hating the other person, are easier to handle with break ups. You can grieve the relationship but you can also hate the person therefore (in my opinion) making it easier to think "I'm better off without him/her and it's for the best'.
But the worse ones are when both people still love each other, but for some reason or another it just doesn't seem to be working in the eyes of one or both the people involved.
Its hard to cut feelings like that off, especially if you really fell madly in love with them and really did see some kind of future with them. You want to hate them but you just can't.
You have friends rally around you, usually for the first week you're being kept so busy you don't have too much time to really think about whats happened.
Then obviously things have to come back to reality a little bit. You have more time to think about things, the times you usually get that goodnight text and now there's nothing and the time you would usually be spending with them you are now sitting at home. You think I should be at this with them or you go to pick up the phone to call them about your day and realise you can't.
Every song you hear depresses you and seems to be about love, and every advert, TV programme and film seem to be rubbing it in your face with happy couples. This period dies fairly quickly, thank god.
Throughout a relationship no matter how long, your part of something, you have someone else to think about and you know you will always have someone by your side. When this ends you're left feeling empty and slightly lost in yourself. The first time you are asked "are you single?" it feels like acid burning your throat when having to answer "yes".
This all may sound very dramatic especially to those that have been in a happy relationship for a while or those that have been single a long time. But we have all been there.
When a relationship ends it feels like the end of the world and you have lost part of your identity. We all know things get better, you find things that make you happy and at somepoint in time you will find someone else. But that all seems all very far away when you feel so broken.
I'm still at the lost and self doubt phase but I know at somepoint that will pass. You have your good days where you try to forget it all, your busy doing something and having a good day with other people. But then you have the nights when you're in bed alone wishing you where curled up with them and you would do anything to have them back, but it's not going to happen so you have to just cry, eat rubbish food or do whatever helps you vent and then carry on.
I know a few people that are going through what I am and even worse and all I want to say to them, as much as they don't want to think about it.
And until then I know I have friends there for me and i'll be there for you when you need me.
x
