Sunday, 31 January 2010

For anyone that has been in a break up, the few weeks or the months after is the time when you are trying to come to terms with whats happened, especially if you're the one that has been 'dumped' (god I hate that word).

First all you feel is disbelief, shock. You feel absolutely devastated. You hope its all a horrid joke or a huge mistake...99.9% of the time it isn't.
You start to question yourself, 'what could I have done to have stopped this?' ' what have I done wrong?' and all the usual questions of self doubt.
Obviously there are endless reasons why relationships end, infidelity, distance, arguing, stress or just plain outgrowing someone seem to be the most common.

It's a horrible thing to say but reasons like infidelity and arguing to the point of hating the other person, are easier to handle with break ups. You can grieve the relationship but you can also hate the person therefore (in my opinion) making it easier to think "I'm better off without him/her and it's for the best'.

But the worse ones are when both people still love each other, but for some reason or another it just doesn't seem to be working in the eyes of one or both the people involved.
Its hard to cut feelings like that off, especially if you really fell madly in love with them and really did see some kind of future with them. You want to hate them but you just can't.

You have friends rally around you, usually for the first week you're being kept so busy you don't have too much time to really think about whats happened.
Then obviously things have to come back to reality a little bit. You have more time to think about things, the times you usually get that goodnight text and now there's nothing and the time you would usually be spending with them you are now sitting at home. You think I should be at this with them or you go to pick up the phone to call them about your day and realise you can't.

Every song you hear depresses you and seems to be about love, and every advert, TV programme and film seem to be rubbing it in your face with happy couples. This period dies fairly quickly, thank god.

Throughout a relationship no matter how long, your part of something, you have someone else to think about and you know you will always have someone by your side. When this ends you're left feeling empty and slightly lost in yourself. The first time you are asked "are you single?" it feels like acid burning your throat when having to answer "yes".

This all may sound very dramatic especially to those that have been in a happy relationship for a while or those that have been single a long time. But we have all been there.
When a relationship ends it feels like the end of the world and you have lost part of your identity. We all know things get better, you find things that make you happy and at somepoint in time you will find someone else. But that all seems all very far away when you feel so broken.

I'm still at the lost and self doubt phase but I know at somepoint that will pass. You have your good days where you try to forget it all, your busy doing something and having a good day with other people. But then you have the nights when you're in bed alone wishing you where curled up with them and you would do anything to have them back, but it's not going to happen so you have to just cry, eat rubbish food or do whatever helps you vent and then carry on.

I know a few people that are going through what I am and even worse and all I want to say to them, as much as they don't want to think about it.

And until then I know I have friends there for me and i'll be there for you when you need me.


Saturday, 30 January 2010

Thursday, 28 January 2010

I can't drive...but I still want this Fiat.

My 13-year old self would kick my arse for saying that.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Get happy!

I read a fantastic blog at ICiNG

She has done a post on
"50 Ways to put light back into your heart."
All different ways to make yourself happy and focused.

So I thought I would 're post' some of those that I want to try or just are a fantastic/sweet idea.
After you have read this go check out her blog, very uplifting and a really good read.

<3 Write yourself a recipe for a perfect day, & then make it happen.
Sometimes you really need to take time for yourself, & when you do, it should be as good as you can make it. We all have different ideas of what constitutes the ideal day, but it might be something like… Watch the Virgin Suicides while eating strawberry pancakes; take a long bath & re-read your favourite book; lie on the floor & wriggle around; eat ice-cream in bed & watch reality television; talk to your best friend on the telephone; have a long, blissful sleep. Whatever it is, put aside some time & make it real.

<3 Have a snugglefest.
Anyone & anything is fair game, from cats & dogs to boyfriends, stuffed animals or cashmere throws. Just hunker down & get cozy! Stay warm & have a daydream.

<3 Clean your room like a wild banshee — then sit down & admire your work.
Cleaning up or tidying with loud music playing is pretty fun, but it’s even better to flop down on your bed, exhausted, & delight in how good everything looks.

<3 Plan a holiday.
Even if your bank account wouldn’t even begin to cover a holiday right now, you can always plan one in your head! Think about where you’d like to go & what you’d like to do. Camelback riding across a majestic desert? A tour of all the waterparks in America? 5 blissed-out days lying on your back beside a huge turquoise swimming pool? Whatever floats your boat, do some research, & start to make it real — even if you won’t take the actual holiday for years.

<3 Get dressed up & go out!
Call a friend & organise an outing. It doesn’t have to be anything grand (unless you want it to be!), but just getting out of the house will make you feel so much better. Wear bright pink lipstick to the movies or wear heels & eat hamburgers. It’s a great way to get out a puddle of stagnant energy

<3 Eat chocolate.
...Because it’s proven to make you feel good. Especially the dark stuff.

<3 Escape.
Get on your bicycle, grab the car-keys or catch a bus & go somewhere else. When you get there, spend some time walking around & looking at things. The travelling time will be good for your head, too. Travelling helps to clear your head & reset your perspectives in a way nothing else can.

<3 Play dress-up.
Rummage through the back of your closet & see what wonderful things have been stuffed back there & forgotten. Put on a pair of heels & see what new outfits you can come up with. It is absolutely true that wearing an outfit you feel good in boosts your confidence & level of happiness!

<3 Do something good for somebody else.
Help Haiti, give blood, volunteer at an animal shelter, deliver meals on wheels, help at a soup kitchen, donate old clothing, spend time at a women’s shelter, get involved in your community or even just help your parents out. It’s one of the absolute best ways to get your mind off your own problems & open you up to what is really going on in the world.

<3 Remove negative influences — no matter how small.
Fire your negative friend. Stop reading the magazines which make you feel bad about yourself. Ban yourself from checking your ex-boyfriend’s blog. Block the phone number of the person who only ever calls you to complain. You cannot imagine how much better you’ll feel!

<3 Draw moustaches on the faces in magazines!

<3 Buy something fabulous & cheap.
Sometimes, retail therapy really does work!

<3 Eat ice-cream & watch trashy television.
It sounds silly & overly simplistic but it really does work — at least for me! A tub of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked & some rubbish lined up makes for a great mental holiday. My favourite trashy fare? Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, Girls Next Door, Sex & The City, Entourage, Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, Skins, Top Model, Greek, Daisy Of Love, The Rachel Zoe Project, Say Yes To The Dress or Buffy. Perfect.

<3 Stay overnight at your best friend’s place.
How long has it been since you had a same-sex sleepover? Too long I bet. There’s nothing better than a night of conversation, laughter & silliness with someone you adore.

<3 Concoct a special hot chocolate.
Add cinnamon, whipped cream, nutmeg, chili powder, candy canes, marshmallow… Make something sweet and delicious. Even better, make a huge Thermos & take it to work or school to share!

<3 Slice up your fashion magazines & make a style collage.
From a candy pink pair of stilettos to a girl sitting in a gilded birdcage, take your favourite looks & mash them all together. Pin it up next to your wardrobe as extra inspiration when you get dressed in the morning, & let it serve as a reminder to try new things!

<3 Pay someone to touch you.
Sounds weird, I know! But what I’m actually talking about is getting a massage, reflexology or even a really good pedicure. Sometimes having someone else touch you & take care of you is just what you need.

<3 Start a new project.
I don’t think I am the only person who really enjoys beginning a new project. Everything is so full of promise & you can take it in any direction you like. It’s all creativity & experimentation all the time. What could be better?!

<3 Make something.
There’s something about making a tangible object that is so satisfying. I am convinced that just moving your hands & using your brain in a different way is extremely good for your mental health. Bedazzle your cellphone, knit a sparkly scarf or make a little monster for a friend! It will shift the way you think & make you smile.

<3 Write a list of all the good things in your life.
Usually when we feel bad, it’s because we’re thinking about the things we don’t have as opposed to the plethora of things we do have. If you have a computer & can read this, you are already so much better off than most people in this world. Recalling everything you have to be grateful for is a foolproof way of improving your mood… which is why I do it every Thursday!

Thursday, 21 January 2010



I've had a big interest in tattoo's for a long time.

I am only in ownership of one but i've always had big ideas for more.

You see a lot of average no thought tattoos (especially in the summer, put some clothes on people) but there are the artists that put blood and sweat into the "art" they put on peoples skin and there are also those that put a lot of thought and heart into choosing/designing what they want permanently etched on them.

A few of my favourites

Ireally want to know what font type this is!

And by far one of the nicest tattoos i've ever seen.
It has given me great envy.

I've been doodling down a design for behind my ear which I plan on getting next week money depending or if not the week after.

I was going to book in my feet tattoo "True Love" but that statement is kind of like adding salt in an open wound at the moment, so when i'm in a happier place i'll be getting it done.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Monday, 4 January 2010

Kitchen ware

I'm a little obsessed with Kitchens, I love baking, making cocktails and love the idea of holding dinner parties. I love food and I actually enjoy making it more.

At present I don't have my own kitchen but I do sadly invision what I want.

I want a lovely 50's pastels colour theme going on.

Be scared of the pink!

I would love a fridge covered in Poloroids and photos and random ticket snubs etc.

I would also love to steal Dita Von Teese's kitchen please.